Tag Archives: marriage

5 of the wrong reasons to get married

Posted on by under Love Corner, Uncategorized

First of all I support marriage but we have all heard of reasons people want to get married or worse get married and they end up unhappy or divorced. Much of this can probably go unsaid but some people need to know you shouldn’t get married because

1. You aren’t getting any younger 

Age is irrelevant. Some people think of their age and really get frantic even at the thought of not being married by a certain age. What I’ll say to that is stop planning what God has already covered for you. Trust the process. Believe that God is shaping a spouse perfect for you and your needs. When we allow our minds to start planning then that’s when irrational decisions are made.

2. You have kids together 

I know it’s important to have a family unit and have kids grow up in a two parent household. But it needs to be a healthy family unit or you will” F “those kids up. No one should be in an unhealthy relationship especially kids.

It’s very possible to co-parent. You need emotional health and sanity to raise children and if that means not being in a relationship with their father or mother then co-parent the best way possible. Cut the pettiness and be the best parents you are humanly capable of being.

3. You’ve been dating for many  years

So what! So you’ve dated 10 years and what? It doesn’t take that long to know if he or she is the one. So if you are still sorting out major  problems, I say really re-evaluate your situation and stop wasting your time.The last thing you want is to marry and then divorce. So don’t let the number of years you are dating be a leading factor in why you marry that person.

3. Everyone else is engaged or married 

Again so what. It’s easy getting married. The work comes with staying married. The last reason you want to get married is because of everyone else. When I married I had maybe a handful of peers I knew that were married.  I didn’t have a lot of examples of marriage so I definitely didn’t marry because I saw others doing it.  You want to marry for the right reasons and not because it feels like the thing you should be doing. On Tia Mowry’s podcast she said if you got married thinking marriage is easy you are in for a rude awakening. Now that’s not to scare anyone but it holds some truth. Marriage is beautiful but it takes work. So marry for the right reason and not because of social pressure.

5. Financial reasons 

That’s really a bad reason to marry. We see the stories all the time when someone marries for money and those marriages don’t last. Marriage is glorifying to God and I’m pretty sure marrying someone for money or for what they can do for you financially is not the plan. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11 Now don’t go marrying someone who can’t even take care of them self…

If you or someone you know has the desire to get married but is looking at all the wrong reasons remind them that God has plans for them. Don’t settle and be patient.  It is so easy to get caught into the pressure of either your age, your social media news-feed, or the family members asking you when are you next. But keep the faith  and don’t find yourself getting married for all of the wrong reasons.

XOXO

Risa

Amicable Differences

Posted on by under Love Corner

You can agree to differ. There can be peace.

Let’s face it, we are different people. Throughout the course of a relationship you will encounter differences and we must be open to that. The trouble many relationships fall into is that they don’t think they should differ on some things and we naturally become defensive if someone doesn’t agree with us. Unlearn that really bad behavior and learn to have less fights, but healthy debates, that often time leads to appreciating the difference in others and agreeing to disagree.

  1. When people get into arguments, they go into the exchange trying to prove a point and wanting to convince the other of their point. First stop there. Don’t convince but voice your stance and why. As a spouse we have to be comfortable with someone not seeing our perception all the time. What’s most important is that they respect you and your viewpoint enough to make adjustments if needed.
  2.  Attack the problem not the person. Solve the problem not the person. Another communication technique that has worked for us. If you have to go as simple as writing on a piece of paper the problem. and when speaking with your spouse refer to the problem on the paper. That will drive the words you choose and steer the conversation away from the person feeling attacked and focus more on the problem. A little passive aggressive but it works.
  3. Focus and pick your topics. People try to bottle up issues or sweep things under the rug and when they hit their boiling point they unleash a laundry list of problems. First of all that’s not healthy for you and secondly that compounds a situation. Choose your issue, seek a resolution before dropping so much on a person. Stick to 1 or 2 topics at 1 time.
  4. Lastly, quit forcing an issue. When a relationship is meant to be and you rely on God he will help you work through matters, period. When their is chemistry, and true love, things just work.  But when you do face differences and you will you have to be okay with not forcing someone to see your way. You have to sometimes agree to disagree on the point and hope to meet a compromise that serves both of your needs.

Some people argue over some petty stuff and many times it is miscommunication. If you are unequally yoked and you disagree on fundamental guiding principles then that is  a different situation. But save yourself the stress and practice disagreeing in a respectful and amicable way.