5 of the wrong reasons to get married

Posted on by under Love Corner, Uncategorized

First of all I support marriage but we have all heard of reasons people want to get married or worse get married and they end up unhappy or divorced. Much of this can probably go unsaid but some people need to know you shouldn’t get married because

1. You aren’t getting any younger 

Age is irrelevant. Some people think of their age and really get frantic even at the thought of not being married by a certain age. What I’ll say to that is stop planning what God has already covered for you. Trust the process. Believe that God is shaping a spouse perfect for you and your needs. When we allow our minds to start planning then that’s when irrational decisions are made.

2. You have kids together 

I know it’s important to have a family unit and have kids grow up in a two parent household. But it needs to be a healthy family unit or you will” F “those kids up. No one should be in an unhealthy relationship especially kids.

It’s very possible to co-parent. You need emotional health and sanity to raise children and if that means not being in a relationship with their father or mother then co-parent the best way possible. Cut the pettiness and be the best parents you are humanly capable of being.

3. You’ve been dating for many  years

So what! So you’ve dated 10 years and what? It doesn’t take that long to know if he or she is the one. So if you are still sorting out major  problems, I say really re-evaluate your situation and stop wasting your time.The last thing you want is to marry and then divorce. So don’t let the number of years you are dating be a leading factor in why you marry that person.

3. Everyone else is engaged or married 

Again so what. It’s easy getting married. The work comes with staying married. The last reason you want to get married is because of everyone else. When I married I had maybe a handful of peers I knew that were married.  I didn’t have a lot of examples of marriage so I definitely didn’t marry because I saw others doing it.  You want to marry for the right reasons and not because it feels like the thing you should be doing. On Tia Mowry’s podcast she said if you got married thinking marriage is easy you are in for a rude awakening. Now that’s not to scare anyone but it holds some truth. Marriage is beautiful but it takes work. So marry for the right reason and not because of social pressure.

5. Financial reasons 

That’s really a bad reason to marry. We see the stories all the time when someone marries for money and those marriages don’t last. Marriage is glorifying to God and I’m pretty sure marrying someone for money or for what they can do for you financially is not the plan. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11 Now don’t go marrying someone who can’t even take care of them self…

If you or someone you know has the desire to get married but is looking at all the wrong reasons remind them that God has plans for them. Don’t settle and be patient.  It is so easy to get caught into the pressure of either your age, your social media news-feed, or the family members asking you when are you next. But keep the faith  and don’t find yourself getting married for all of the wrong reasons.

XOXO

Risa

Job Offer- Four ways to negotiate your pay

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Did I say four?

It’s really only one way and that’s simply to ask.  The hope is that expectations are discussed with the recruiter and you don’t have to negotiate but this isn’t a perfect world. Here are 4 ways to confidently negotiate your pay and increase the success rate when starting a new job.

1. Do research.  Know the current salary range, years of experience, and even what the competitors are paying for that job.  Your  worth is more valuable than what any company can ever pay you but to successfully negotiate your pay you need to have a benchmark. Helpful resources at the end.

2. Demonstrate your value and experience through your  interviews and your performance on the job. It just never goes well if you are a sub-par candidate for the  job, yet you want the highest pay rate. Did you set yourself apart from the other candidates? Hopefully that’s one of the reasons you are offered the position. Use that to help articulate your worth and why you believe a higher salary is warranted.

3. Find out more about the compensation program. How often do they review salaries. When will your salary be reviewed. Do do have annual merit increases ? Is there a bonus program? Eligibility requirements?… Understand what comes with this offer in addition to base pay.

4.Choose and use words wisely. It’s so important to choose your words wisely. When negotiating salary thank them for the offer, express excitement for the opportunity to join the organization/team then express how you were expecting to be offered the range of $ X. Let them know that you are aware of the market pay for your level of experience in  the position and are well within that range. While  you  are thrilled at the opportunity you were fully prepared to accept the position closer to <insert salary> Recap your qualifications and what value you will bring to the organization. Then close with a solid ask for the starting salary to be considered.  Even if you are interrupted, hitting those points are important.

There are so many different scenarios that I’ve encountered related to negotiating pay . I’ll tell you that this is a way easier discussion if you are speaking with a recruiter or HR representative so don’t get shy. Women especially have a tendency to shy away from the topic and men come right out with it. Women let’s close that wage gap and negotiate for what we know we are qualified to earn.

Also there are scenarios when you shouldn’t be negotiating your pay. Stay tuned for that.

The US Dept of Labor-Occupational Outlook Handbook is always helpful http://www.bls.gov/ooh/

Salary.com is an okay site http://www1.salary.com/Accountant-I-Salaries.html

Payscale is another site that can be resourceful http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Job=Accountant/Salary

A combination of these resources should get you in the ballpark of what the position should earn.

Good luck! and you are welcome!

XOXO

Risa

Rain or Shine it’s Birthday Party Time

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Happy Birthday to my baby girl!

 Last Saturday was her birthday and we celebrated by inviting family and friends to play outdoors. Essentially we had a party…Oh the stress I endured all week thinking about the weather forecast and the huge possibility that it would rain on the kids and the fun would end. 

Anyway I planned according to an outdoor party. But here’s the thing I didn’t want to spend money on a venue or even renting anything. So we planned for the toddlers and kiddos to play with MJ’s toys (some existing toys and some new). The new toys are her gifts from us.

I planned to section out the backyard by different activities. 

  
For example: Ball pit, Totz-Toddler Toy Zone for the 18 month and under, etc . 

It was a success, especially the roller coaster! I didn’t get the signs pictured. By the way the rain held off until Sunday.

  
We had 11 kids and four of those were under a year and a half. I ordered a cake for $13 dollars and some cupcakes for half of that. We purchased the ball for a pool we already had, bought a slide, little tykes jumpy house, and the roller coaster. About $250 but hey at least she can play all summer for several summers and the cake was the icing on top. 

Here’s a pic of some of her toys. This area got messy real quick.       

 She loved the ball pit and wagon ride.  

     

She didn’t know what to do with the cake at first. But she figured out how to smear the icing. See the $13 cake in the back.

   
 I kept the decoration to mostly dollar store purchases. It was so windy out. 

 

We even did a diy photo session at home using the same garland that from her room decor and for the party. 

   
 
Overall it was a success, not too pricey, and I’m glad I didn’t cancel. I’m one happy mama. 

 I can’t wait to get outdoors with her this summer. 

XOXO

Risa

 

Countdown to the Big 1

Posted on by under Mommy corner

Omg! 1 year already. 

I seriously don’t know where the time has gone but it has not felt like a year! My baby will be ONE in 7 days. Oh the emotions I feel. I’m so proud of her, and glad to be settled into the new normal and I’m sad to be quickly leaving that baby stage. 

  
She is growing so fast and at times I get baby fever, for real I could have a little village but my hubby is looking at me like I’m crazy. Anyways the last 2 weeks have been full of prep for Saturday’s birthday celebration.

  
 I’m loving this outfit. She is sure to be all smiles when she gets this on. This isn’t the party outfit though. Stay tuned for more of my projects. 
XOXO

Risa

  

Play Dates are Happy and Healthy 

Posted on by under Mommy corner

Most moms are busy!

Which explains why I haven’t posted in weeks, I’m still finding my balance!

I mean life mainly revolves around your child and you fit everything else around them,right? However, I have not met a working mom or for that matter a stay a home mom that isn’t busy and doesn’t have to put in that extra effort to meet up with other moms for play dates.

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If you’ve read any other post of mine you may already know that I work full time. So for that reason, time in the evenings and weekends with my growing baby are especially  precious. This is true for me and my hubby. During the dreaded time that I returned to work I secretly promised myself that I would take time off whenever possible and at least once per month  for play dates and meet-ups with other moms and kiddos even if it meant during my work week. So in addition to our weekends, I intentionally take off during the workweek for playtime of some sort with my little. I like my career but I love my family, so for that, play dates  are a happy place for me as much as they are for my baby.

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If you work how do you make time for play dates? If you are a SAHM, your life is still busy, what ways do you manage to schedule this socialization time for you and your little one?

How to handle “mini-fits” in the early stages

Posted on by under Mommy corner

^ I have no clue

Seriously!! You could not have told me that a 11 month old can have a mini-tantrum and I believe you. We started noticing her personality flourishing for some time now but the side of MJ that she doesn’t always show is when she doesn’t like something. I don’t know what the road ahead of me will be like and the challenge I have is knowing what discipline looks like at this age. So I choose to redirect and repeat.

What seems to work right now is redirecting her attention, and repeating that as often as necessary. I talk to her in between and use a tone that’s serious but not “mean”. I am so torn…my little baby is growing up and I think this is all too soon. My fear is that if I don’t pick up a style of how to parent her during her times of mini-fits that I will wake up 1 day to a full blown tantrum. Is this inevitable?

Help me out mama’s, what do you recall doing to help teach right and wrong and combat the fall outs? I wish I could catch her on video but she will even break her back as if she is going to fall out of your hands or if she is on the floor she turns around in circles, while fussing because she is upset that you took something out of her hand. Lord help me. I wasn’t ready!!

 

XOXO- Risa

Small things change-what they don’t tell you when you become a parent

Posted on by under Love Corner, Mommy corner

Life changes!

Of course it does and it’s small things in our everyday lives that change, that no one really prepares you for. This is the beauty of our journey as parents. Here is a list that both my husband and I encounter but never thought about before and no one really explained the phrase” From here on out life changes”.

No complaints just a list.

  1. Running an errand. Going into a corner store, or just to pick up the prescription at walgreens (if the drive thru is closed) are no longer a simple, quick trip. Trips to the store require planning and a bit of a field trip because I need the stroller, baby carrier, basket or chair cover, or just the right mindset that we are unstrapping the baby, going in the store, and doing what used to be 5 minutes, now is 20 minutes…
  2. Eating dinner in peace. Lol I love dinner time for us but either I have a greedy baby who can smell your food and the fact that it is different from what is on her plate 3 rooms away or all babies love to explore with food and get all in your face when eating dinner. We came up with how to make her think she is eating what we eat and even in a high chair she knows the difference. It is not as simple as it used to be but this is temporary.
  3. Intimacy, Sex, Getting it in…whatever you want to call it. We have to get creative, be flexible, and be spontaneous because your time pre-baby is no longer your time post-baby. Your time is the babies time and you must consciously make time. Early mornings are your friend 😉
  4. Grooming your self. This goes back to your time is now the babies time. I have natural hair. While the misconception is that it is easier to style I seriously beg to differ and I know many will agree. It takes time to style my hair so when I am doing a flexi-rod set she is tossing the rods out of the container. If I am braiding my hair for a braid out, she is climbing on my arms, pulling and exploring in my tresses. It’s not a simple task. No complaints, just my reality. Life Changes.
  5. Dates with your spouse. We are daters. We firmly believe in dating each other and keeping that interest. But the truth is, movie release nights are usually no longer the nights we get to see the movie. Why? you ask. Well simply put, we have less than a handful of baby sitters. I trust my mom, in laws, and my sister. My mom and mom in-laws care for our baby during the week. So the weekends I feel a little guilty about asking, though we do get some away time it isn’t for long periods of time. Additionally the baby can be moody with her aunt (my sis) so who I planned to be my weekend babysitter, MJ isn’t having it, just yet 🙂

I thoroghly enjoy motherhood though, and I know that this is just a season.

What has changed for you?

Amicable Differences

Posted on by under Love Corner

You can agree to differ. There can be peace.

Let’s face it, we are different people. Throughout the course of a relationship you will encounter differences and we must be open to that. The trouble many relationships fall into is that they don’t think they should differ on some things and we naturally become defensive if someone doesn’t agree with us. Unlearn that really bad behavior and learn to have less fights, but healthy debates, that often time leads to appreciating the difference in others and agreeing to disagree.

  1. When people get into arguments, they go into the exchange trying to prove a point and wanting to convince the other of their point. First stop there. Don’t convince but voice your stance and why. As a spouse we have to be comfortable with someone not seeing our perception all the time. What’s most important is that they respect you and your viewpoint enough to make adjustments if needed.
  2.  Attack the problem not the person. Solve the problem not the person. Another communication technique that has worked for us. If you have to go as simple as writing on a piece of paper the problem. and when speaking with your spouse refer to the problem on the paper. That will drive the words you choose and steer the conversation away from the person feeling attacked and focus more on the problem. A little passive aggressive but it works.
  3. Focus and pick your topics. People try to bottle up issues or sweep things under the rug and when they hit their boiling point they unleash a laundry list of problems. First of all that’s not healthy for you and secondly that compounds a situation. Choose your issue, seek a resolution before dropping so much on a person. Stick to 1 or 2 topics at 1 time.
  4. Lastly, quit forcing an issue. When a relationship is meant to be and you rely on God he will help you work through matters, period. When their is chemistry, and true love, things just work.  But when you do face differences and you will you have to be okay with not forcing someone to see your way. You have to sometimes agree to disagree on the point and hope to meet a compromise that serves both of your needs.

Some people argue over some petty stuff and many times it is miscommunication. If you are unequally yoked and you disagree on fundamental guiding principles then that is  a different situation. But save yourself the stress and practice disagreeing in a respectful and amicable way.

 

Naturalversary

Posted on by under Natural Corner

This month marks my 6 year natural-hair-anniversary!!

It has been a ride to say the least. I have found that during the week I prefer to wear a bun, a braid out but often times my braid outs aren’t consistent so I wear a bun or maybe a flexi-rod set.

Here are some of my  different looks.

 

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This was in need of a style!

 

This was a braid out

This was a braid out

 

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This was an old twist out placed in a low bun

How can I switch it up a bit?

 

Here are some products that I use regularly

curly leave in

I detangle with this

SheaMoisture-curl

I have used most of their product line but consistently use the conditioning milk

Sometimes I wash with this since I do not use shampoo

Sometimes I wash with this since I do not use shampoo

 

Until Next Time- Dear Breast Pump

Posted on by under Mommy corner, Uncategorized

Breastfeeding has been a rewarding experience

but being away from my baby has been met with many stressful moments, especially with my breast pump.

This week I gradually stopped pumping at work and I am completely content (as I touch one boob to feel if it is engorged). It has been  stressful to say the least. I am still nursing but supplementing during the day unless I pump at night or on the weekends.

Dear breast pump, 

Thank you for being a resource to me as I continue providing my baby with my milk while away from her. She is now 10 months and if she could talk I am sure she would say thank you. It has not been easy getting enough milk for her bottles and some days you were just uncooperative. But overall I wish you well. so until next time….

Sincerely,

Risa -xoxo

My co-workers helped me remove my paper from my office window.

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The sign I put on my door!!

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Until the next baby 😉